My Thoughts On The Nervous System + The Power of People We Surround Ourselves With

March 28, 2023

I recently teared up over this video. I was struck by the reminder of the power of the people we surround ourselves with. 

 

As someone who studies the nervous system and neuropsychology, I understand this: 

 

Our nervous system is the combination of the nervous systems of the five people we spend the most time with. 

 

That means who you choose to share your time, energy and physical space with is impacting your physiology – your hormones, what genes get turned on/off, the health of your gut microbiome, etc – in a very real way.

 For example: 

 

  • If you want to feel more joy, spend more time with people who prioritize their happiness and/or bring you intrinsic joy.

 

  • If you want to feel less anxious, spend more time with people who regularly practice mindfulness – and less time with those who always seem to be stressed or complaining.

 

  • If you're drained, spend time in the company of those who engage in activities that add value to your life and fill your cup! (Hint: when you spend time with them, you walk away feeling more energized than before.)

 

  • If you want to move your body in nourishing ways and be motivated to do so regularly, spend time with people who also value this and prioritize a healthy fitness routine.

 

Humans are social creatures, with a primal and fundamental need to belong in our community. The people we’re surrounded by — especially the top 5 people we spend the most time with — impact our nervous system and have the unseen and innate power to either help us co-regulate (calibrate and restore to healthier functions; parasymphathetic dominance) or dis-regulate (send us into sympathetic dominance, where we experience fight, flight or freeze responses).

A regulated nervous system is a healthy one. We’re more able to access restorative sleep, we feel more calm and connected, and are more resilient and flexible with the ebbs and flows of life. We respond to stress in healthier ways, and our body is more able to process and release experiences that aren’t in our highest alignment, rather than holding onto them. Physically, with a regulated nervous system, we experience less stress, inflammation, digestive issues and dis-ease, or later disease. On the other hand, a dis-regulated nervous system is less able to respond to stress, often reacting disproportionately to common triggers (or simply feeling more triggered more easily). It can also manifest in sleep issues, anxiety, chronic pain, GI issues, hormonal imbalances, mood disorders, high blood pressure, a general sense of scattered-ness or inability to focus, and on and on. As they say, the body keeps score.

Now of course, we’re evolved humans and many of us have tools nowadays to support our own inner experience, but there is still a hard-wired part of us that syncs up on a cellular level (for ex., mirror neurons) and adapts to the nervous systems of those around us in an effort to be accepted by the tribe. All of this done without the conscious mind. Fascinating, right? 

 

The company you keep matters. 

 

Today, we're lucky enough to be able to choose our friends and our circles, for the most part. And that helps. But, I still believe it’s important to check in with who and what you’re giving your energy to from time to time; even to check in with certain relationships as they, or you, evolve. Do you leave social situations feeling filled up or drained? Does someone make you feel expansive or contracting? Do they soothe your nerves or trigger you? As Lalah Delia said, “the right people feel different to your nervous system”.

 

Remember that you have agency over your health, and one of the most powerful things you can do is to consciously choose to spend time with people who up-level you. 

 

I'm certain on some level you already know this; but sometimes it's nice to be reminded that it's really ok to say more ‘no’s to people and things that aren't aligned with where you want to go, and more ‘yes’s to those that are steering you towards greater wellbeing. 

Lastly, I’ve spent a long time in this wellness world and it’s really important to me, especially now that I understand the physical impact of the company we keep, that I continue to surround myself with people who uplift and support me, and that I feel compelled to uplift and support right back! It’s a special community here, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. In the meantime, more in-person classes that you can soak up this community in, coming to you this spring 2023!